Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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