All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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