he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
