sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
