she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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