hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
