Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
