im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
