if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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