dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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