fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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