Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
