My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
