At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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