I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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