so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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