i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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