I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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