So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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