I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
