You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
