Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
