You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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