these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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