we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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