Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Two words: nipple clamps
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