you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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