Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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