Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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