I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
