I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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