ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
