i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
