i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
