wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
