I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
