Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize