I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
