If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.