I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.