did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?