We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.