I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
