Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
