wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
