I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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