i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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