he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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