She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
