babies were throwing up all over the place
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
