my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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