Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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