I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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