Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
