I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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