i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sober January is a disaster.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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