Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
