Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
