I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
