exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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