I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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