you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Soap is not a condiment
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize