She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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